Man And Love

John was waiting for his love....
"30 minutes late!!", his brain shouted at him, "Last time you were 5 mins late and she had literally gobbled u up ... remember??"
"Yeah yeah", he said to his brain, "You know her ... all moody and stuff .... oh there she is"
"Scold her OK?", his brain adviced.
"OK I will try"
Sweet Sheetal comes with the cutest smile and says "Im sorry honey ... I was shopping for shoes .. totally forgot about you"
"What if you had said that line buddy?", shouted his brain .... "she would have had a nervous breakdown"
John ignored his brain .. "Its OK honey .. its only half an hour .. no problem"
She smiled once again .. held his hand and asked "Hope you remember what occasion is today"
"OMG!!!", thought John .....
"Brain ... search database for reminders, anniversaries, silly anniversaries, birthdays and birthdays of people I dont care about"
Brain got into action ... he started delegating work to different parts ... parallel processing .. multiple search .......... complete memory scan.
Sheetal stared at John .... "Hello!! u have been staring at me for 2 minutes now ... u OK?"
"Huh!!!", he said, "Oh ... nothing's wrong .. was lost in thought"
"No records found", said the brain ...
"Damn!!", thought John
"So what say ... how do we celebrate this day?", she asked.
John is all confused ... "Ask her ...dumbo?". said the brain
"OK OK ...stop pushing me"
"Honey .. U know my lousy memory .. I guess I cant recall what today is"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT T!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!" , she shouted ... and started crying.
"How could you forget!! ..... its my doggy's birthday"
"!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!"

A moment of silence.

His entire brain staff was laughing at him.
John was dumbfounded.
"What the hell am I supposed to do know?", he asked his brain.
"Damage control sequence initialized ... dont worry our specialist will comeback with the perfect line to make everything all right"
"Better do it fast ..brainy"
The brain was working at 90% capacity ..... gathering and analyzing all data on 'How to handle women?'
Finally an answer was computed and communicated to John.
He looked up to her, and said "Of Course I remember your doggie's birthday ... how can I forget that sweet mutt's special day"
She looked up with utter surprise ...
"HUH!!!!!!! ....... Doggy is the name of my cat you jerk"
She stood up angrily and left.
John and his brain were left there clueless ....
"Ah! screw u guys .. I'm going home", said his brain and left.

Married Couple

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' 

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.' 

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. 

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!..the husband became 92 years old. 

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember....fairies are female too.

Hot Chocolate

A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired.

During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives.

Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.

When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: "Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink.

What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups.

They are just tools to hold and contain life.

The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have.

KFC and Pope

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.

The Pope says, "What can I do?"

The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'.   If you do it, I'll donate $10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."

The Pope replies, "I am very sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words."   So the Colonel hangs up.

After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again.   "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help.   I'll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"

And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders.   The church could do a lot of good with that much money.   It would help us to support many charities.   But, again, I must decline.   It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words."   So the Colonel gives up again.

After two more months of terrible sales, the Colonel gets desperate.   "This is my final offer, your Excellency.   If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican."

The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you."

So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news.   The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican."

The bishops rejoice at the news.

Then one asks about the bad news.

The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."

KFC and Bread

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, "What can I do?"
The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate $10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."

The Pope replies, "I am very sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words." So the Colonel hangs up.

After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"

And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words." So the Colonel gives up again.

After two more months of terrible sales, the Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican."

The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you."

So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican."

The bishops rejoice at the news.

Then one asks about the bad news.

The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."